My father (Dad, may his soul rest in peace) built a house in Akokwa, Nigeria, that had a block fence at the back, the top covered in nails and broken glass. Despite the stingers, the lizards, especially the red-headed, droopy-necked ones, rested and crawled over the fence, going from one corner to the other.
On the inside side of the fence, a foot or so in front of the wall, was a tall, slender papaya tree. The tree was almost barren, having fed and bled so many starving children during the Biafran-Nigerian war. Like the red-headed lizards, we children used to look at the papaya tree hoping it would produce one more pod. Then we would look at the lizards with hungry eyes and I would wonder what they would do next. Would they continue to crawl along the fence, or would they jump towards the papaya tree, or would they descend diagonally through the block fence and fall to the ground?
Many fifty-seven year old men face the same dilemma as the old red-necked lizards. Their main concern is how to proceed in life. In that space of mental concern, they are faced with at least three options. They could escalate to compromise life at a higher level of existence. They could continue on the uniform pedestal of wear, reflecting the way they have lived their entire lives. His third option, which as I remember nothing about lizards, would be to surrender to the demands of society and run aground.
It may sound unimportant, but the decisions we make at age fifty-seven can determine the way we live the rest of our lives. It’s not that the decisions (material and moral) that people make at any age can’t make or break them, but while a young person can quickly recover from a bad decision, an older person may not.
According to an Igbo proverb, the wood that people collected when they were young is what they will use in old age. On the surface, this proverb implies that they should work hard when young, then bend and rest when old. Such a practice, if carried out, would lead to a decline in physical and mental health. The evidence of those who have chosen to do that is clear to see. What people need when they get older is a revival of creative energy, rather than relaxation.
Men who, at the age of fifty-seven, let their bodies and their senses run on the same path, sooner or later surrender to life’s challenges. They might have considered themselves living a stable life, but stability does not exist in the universe. The status quo is never found in nature.
No one needs more than a second’s reflection to understand that there is a continuing deterioration within the perceived realm of balance. A wrinkled skin that everyone can see, but no one sees the internal organs. Even though they are hidden, the brain, kidneys, liver, and guts are still as wrinkled and tired as the skin. This explains why men at fifty-seven quickly run out of breath, gain weight if they drink a bottle of beer, stout, or soda, develop mental confusion if someone challenges their thinking, and often suffer from urinary and genital dysfunction. .
An active lifestyle instead of a stable lifestyle is the answer to old age. The body is like a house. To maintain cleanliness, houses must be swept, painted, and ventilated. Likewise, for fifty-seven-year-old men to get ahead, they must live an active lifestyle. Fat and fat accumulation is your biggest enemy. Move it! Don’t bury yourself in grease. Hit the gym, jog, lift weights, play soccer, play basketball, run, and do whatever you can to stay as lean as the slender papaya tree.
Also, men at fifty-seven must choose what they eat. Salt is your biggest enemy. Avoid with a vengeance! Half a teaspoon of iodized salt is all the body needs in a day. It resists being fed like a gluttonous baby that eats everything in front of it. Order foods that follow your new diet. At fifty-seven, you’ve earned the right to ask what kind of food is put in front of you. Cook them yourself, if for some reason those around you do not care about healthy life aspirations. Hopefully your mother taught you how to cook when you were a child.
In his stage seven theory of psychosocial development (Stagnation vs. Generativity), Erik Erikson envisioned fifty-seven-year-old men proud of their continued achievements or sad if they lost motivation. The status quo would not be enough for men of this age. New developments in this period of life, Erikson said, lead to a happy man or woman. Like many psychologists and psychoanalysts, Erikson was interpreting what he believes he witnessed in the interaction between man and society. What Erikson did not say explicitly, but what I find essential to understand, is that man is always responsible to the community, doing what society forces him to do.
On closer look, any enthusiastic observer would conclude that society has always been both the bane and the savior of man. Society says, “Do your part and get off the human stage or we’ll kick you out.” Man plays according to the rules established by society. Fifty-seven years is the perfect time to leave society and chart our own destiny.
In what I call the Society Expectations Theory (SET), society expects the elderly to die quickly so that younger people can fill their jobs, their ranks, and of course, inherit any wealth they have acquired. We need to be aware of SET to protect ourselves from its consequences. SET, as one might imagine, is even worse in some cultures.
To all the men who turned fifty-seven this year, I say, look ahead; undertake a new endeavor. Let your brain and mind spin like a windmill. If you are an engineer, enroll in law school; if you’re an accountant, enroll in medical school. Start a philanthropic organization. Write a memory. There’s nothing anyone can’t do if they turn their mind on.
Whatever you choose, never take the easy way out and get stuck. None of the red-necked lizards came down from the top of the wall when we were looking at them, and neither did the fifty-seven-year-old men.
End