In a world forever changed by recent events, we are daily challenged to restore and maintain inner peace amid outer dissonance. And dissonance is everywhere. Perhaps the novelty of staying home has worn off. Or maybe the world we’re resurfacing into isn’t the same as the world we left behind and doesn’t resonate well. Distractions that we may have previously used to calm ourselves down during difficult experiences have lost their shine.
We may try to meditate to regain our inner sense of peace, but once off the cushion, the reality of the circumstances returns us to anxiety or irritability. It is perfectly natural to seek relief from these dissonant conditions. And yet, true relief is not found in distraction, aversion, or judgment of external dissonance; is changing the way we respond to these.
Inner peace does not require that we resist dissonant circumstances or flee from them; instead, it lies in finding a way to co-exist with the very things that don’t resonate with us.
The deepest wisdom requires that we learn to be with discomfort. To paraphrase Pema Chodron, one of the biggest misunderstandings of the human mind is to think that true relief comes from feeling more comfortable. The truth is exactly the opposite!
When our efforts to calm down or avoid external dissonance fail, we are actually ready for a more lasting solution. This is the perfect opportunity to find inner peace in the midst of outer dissonance. In fact, we can maintain a sense of inner calm despite the chaos outside, because we have complete control over what we focus on.
Instead of resisting or running away from the outer dissonance, we begin to change our response by using the dissonance as an opportunity to become more aware within. We turn to our inner feelings of discomfort and become intimate with them.
What does it feel like when our outside world seems chaotic and there is little relief in sight? What happens when we stop running and allow ourselves to hear what lies below the surface? How do we feel when we turn our attention away from the outer dissonance and focus it on the inside? Asking ourselves questions like these help us to be more present to the eternal nature of consciousness in this present moment.
As we probe within ourselves, we are likely to find all sorts of conflicting emotions at first: our disowned, hurt, disenfranchised, and aggrieved parts of ourselves. These are the orphaned aspects of our being that drive us to look for an external scapegoat or a way to get revenge by projecting our repressed pain and anger onto others. These aspects can even twist the truth to reinforce our habitual narrative of injury or victimization.
When we turn inward and become aware of these wounded aspects within us, we finally tap into the potential for healing and peace. It is by acknowledging the darkness that resides within us that we begin to cultivate true honesty with all aspects of ourselves. And it is by acknowledging the discomfort, pain, and anxiety within ourselves that we cultivate compassion for ourselves and all other beings.
This process leads us to realize that we are all connected on some level. Interconnection becomes a way of being and is no longer just theoretical. We begin to understand Pogo the possum’s statement in Walt Kelly’s cartoon when he said, “We have met the enemy, and he is us.” We recognize that there is something good in the worst of us and bad in the best of us. And we develop compassion both for ourselves and for others.
This openness to our own experience makes us more able to open up to others. We experience less of a need to withdraw from the underbelly of life, both in ourselves and in others. Instead of judging the dissonance and weakness as we part with it, we can look at it with compassion. We become more honest and comfortable with our own disenfranchised aspects, coming to know their true nature, and thus have a greater ability to meet others there as well. This is the path to true and lasting inner peace.
There are two main ways we can develop this ability to find inner peace regardless of external circumstances: we can learn to stay connected to inner peace regardless of external dissonance; and we can use the practice of aversion to decrease our habitual reactivity.
By aligning ourselves with the deep and unchanging peace that underlies all experience, we become more resistant to external dissonance on the surface of life. Instead of labeling and resisting, we can learn to be with the discomfort. We learn to refrain from the habit of labeling and judging anything that is outside of our comfort zone, and just be with what is. Over time, we learn that we are an unlimited awareness, subject only to what we focus on or have in mind. That’s a superpower!
Here’s one way to do it: In your meditation, try sitting for 15 minutes without moving. When uncomfortable sensations arise (itching in the leg, pinching in the hip), instead of changing position to relieve it, stay still. In this moment of discomfort, open to the sensation and allow yourself to relax into it. Notice what happens as you do this.
Observe the thoughts and reactions that arise in your mind, but do not judge or react to them. Simply look at the discomfort and see it as an opportunity to discover something new: your innate ability to be with the discomfort and remain neutral. The more you expand this ability to remain neutral in the presence of something dissonant and uncomfortable, the more you will be able to honor your inner peace regardless of the circumstances.
The second exercise tries to desensitize your conditioned aversion response. Think of one little thing you don’t like: a smell, a taste, a sound, or a texture. For some it may be the taste of onions, for others the thunderous music of a neighbor. Choose one. When he appears, instead of walking away, turn towards him. Put a small slice of onion on your tongue and be curious about the taste. Or sit right below the rumbling bass and let its beat play through your mind and body. Whatever problem you don’t like, watch what happens when you stop, turn to it, open up, and invite it in.
As you do, you’ll discover different aspects to dig into, turning your distance into curiosity. With practice, your awareness will be able to use the dissonance itself as a portal to move deeper until you can rest in your core of peace, regardless of external triggers.
Finding inner peace in the presence of outer dissonance is a powerful practice that helps us remain calm, regardless of the tumult in our outer world. It strengthens our inner ability to navigate life without clinging to or resisting the changing landscape and walk a straight line, no matter what comes up!