As a New York acting coach who focuses on British acting technique, I want to help my actors do the best job they are capable of doing both during an audition and during a performance. One of the great pitfalls of an actor is self-proclaimed shyness. One of my first coaching jobs is helping my actors who claim to be shy, helping them examine what they call shyness. So let’s look a little more closely at what we call “shyness.” Yes, these thoughts can irritate some. But before throwing them into the Limbo of the actors, take a look, think about it and face the mirror. A good dose of reality could be a reliable way to avoid that shyness trap that stumbles down the yellow brick road to dreams come true.
It’s hard not to think of human whims when someone proclaims, “I’m shy. I want to act.” It is like
“I am afraid of heights. I want to be an astronaut.” “I am afraid of the water. I want to be an Olympic swimmer.”
The debilitating shyness claim automatically begs the question, “So why pursue such a soul-revealing profession as acting?” It just doesn’t make sense. Acting is a public profession. It is an almost obvious truth that anyone who wants to act must also want to be the center of attention, at least on stage or on the set of a movie. Is there something in the universe that a genuinely shy person wants less than to be in the spotlight? Being exposed would be a nightmare.
So we have a contradiction: I am shy and I want to hide. I am shy and want to be the center of attention. No, we don’t expect silly consistency in people. (I borrow from Emerson’s “silly consistency”). But before wasting money, years, and heartbreaking disappointment trying to be an actor, the “shy” actor must carefully look at his pretense of shyness.
Who is “shy”? Almost everyone has a string or two of “shyness.” Almost everyone is a little shy, a little insecure, a little awkward in the privacy of our souls. It is an almost universal human quality. Get a little comfortable knowing that you are not alone. It is not a condition restricted only to you.
Since shyness to some extent is almost universal, it follows that most actors are a bit shy. But his
“shyness” should not invade your stage world. They should not confuse “shyness” with stage fright or lack of confidence or any other trait that falls under the umbrella of “shyness.” Before I forget, let’s get rid of the word “vulnerable.” I’m really bored that vulnerability is used as a kissing cousin for shyness. Unless someone has developed a permanent alligator skin, most of us, especially actors, are vulnerable. PS: One of the great contradictions of the actors is that we must develop the skin of an alligator while preserving the soul of an angel!
Yes, the quotes around “shyness” in the previous paragraph are deliberate – visual symbols to protest misuse of the word. In fact, in addition to claiming varying degrees of “shyness,” actors also mislabel “shyness” a backpack full of other career-damaging attitudes. But why would an actor say shyness? Unless …
What if it’s not shyness? SO WHAT IS THAT?
The “shyness” can act as a protective shield that allows us not to face, and thus avoids the pain of solving, the real problems that we have mistakenly defined as “shyness.” So maybe shyness is an escape from something else? What other possibilities are behind our statement of “shyness”?
Maybe we act out or maybe even feel “shy” because we think it is a way to avoid being challenged / attacked / criticized / ridiculed. Maybe a casting director will sympathize and choose us despite our shyness? Hint: that probably won’t happen. Allowing “shyness” to interfere with an audition or performance.
Well that’s a civil war being waged on the battlefield of your own interpretive soul.
More: Is there the slightest chance, the mere whisper of a possibility, that shyness is a smart (albeit counterproductive) way to get attention? Is that shyness the other side of “Look at me”? Is that shyness in an aspiring actor a way of avoiding the work and commitment that this profession demands? Is that shyness a brilliant way to manipulate?
Handle? Yes actually. I think it was Oscar Wilde who coined the phrase “the tyranny of the weak.” Shyness can be a form of tyranny, as it forces everyone else to try to open up to you, or to make you feel comfortable, or to be especially careful not to hurt your feelings. It’s a subtle way to get attention without looking like it. See how clever we are at dodging those arrows of scandalous fortune that Hamlet so eloquently acknowledges! Smart, yes, but counterproductive.
“But I’m really shy. I’m not a tyrant!” No, I just don’t think so.
Also consider the possibility that shyness that says, “I can’t, ouch, ouch” may be the flip side of “I won’t. Just try to make me. There it is!” In other words, maybe shyness is a form of stubbornness. What if the shy person was honest and admitted “I’m manipulative, controlling, stubborn”? Oh. But recognizing the correct word could simply free the person to be the actor they say they want to be. Knowing yourself is a good start on the road to being an actor, not just someone who says memorized words.
HOW CAN I STOP BEING “SHY”?
Remember the mockery that First Lady Nancy Reagan took for her catchphrase “Just Say NO” to drugs? Skipping slogans has become a national duty, but it’s hard to dismiss the fact that saying no is the way to get off drugs. And telling someone to leave “shyness” outside the audition / performance door is in the same category: solid advice in the middle.
As we’ve mentioned, one way to stop being “shy” is to discover a more precise term for the behavior. Perhaps stage fright. Maybe egocentricity. Or anger crushed so hard it masquerades as “shyness.” Or maybe arrogance masquerading as shyness because arrogance is not considered “nice.” Or shyness can provide an escape from responsibility. It can be a way of evoking pity rather than criticism. Finding the correct term for our behavior is another way to stop that behavior.
Accurate terminology is essential. Call it what it is; find the correct word. Give your feelings the exact term and you are halfway to healing. The language is beautiful. Using precise language would cure many world problems. Don’t contribute to the language clutter by saying you’re “shy” when you just aren’t.
Another way to get out of the “shy” tape is to find the cause. Perhaps there were parents who criticized too often. Or a religion that kept the kidneys very tense. If the shyness is genuine, and not just acceptable cover for something else, then each case has its own cause. Discovering that cause is beyond the limits of our exploration. How to overcome it and what caused it are not the same topic. For now, we are looking at what it is and how to cure it. You yourself can probably go back to memory and discover many causes, many experiences, that collectively created your shyness.
Yet another way to stop shyness is to acknowledge its harm. Shyness allows us to wrap ourselves in gauze so as not to release our creative energies. The pretense of shyness allows us to push intuition and imagination into a dark cave, while “shyness” guards its entrance. The claim of shyness allows us to be a waiter who acts, not an actor who waits the tables.
Here is a suggested phrase to say to yourself: “Look in the mirror while you wash your face”: “I am ____”. But fill in the blank with the truth, not something wrongly called “shyness.”
Besides calling him by his correct name, another cure for “shyness” is wanting more than just shyness. Let that other thing be an obsessive urge to perform. This is the one that I personally subscribe to.
A curious way to deal with “shyness” is to get so angry that the anger drives you beyond the safety of shyness. An actor friend (let’s call her “Jane”) talks about the countless times she took the stage ready to spit hot nails. Anger is a remarkable source of energy. Certainly, it takes you beyond the concentration on yourself that is at the center of “shyness.” My actress friend Jane said that the best performance she ever gave was due to a cast member who, every night, insisted on drinking a bottle of perfume in the shared dressing room. The smell affected Jane’s voice both when she spoke and when she sang. It was a great role, full of Irish rage and fury and a solo scene, center stage, singing a solo. She had asked and asked the actress not to wear perfume in the dressing room. Then the stage manager asked, then the Equity rep, finally threw a tizzy right before walking on stage. That pre-entry tizzy gave birth to one of the few performances my friend really liked. Great performance. Anger can be a tsunami, drowning everything in its path! Including shyness.
Another cure for “shyness” depends on acknowledging an unpleasant truth. If you have a genuine gift, then being shy and not sharing that gift is preventing the audience from having moments of happiness that you could give them. Let’s call that self-centeredness, not shyness.
And lastly, the way to overcome whatever you call “shyness” is TO PREPARE YOURSELF. OVER MEMORIZING. Oh no, not that old bromide again. Yes! Don’t use shyness as an excuse for not demanding perfection. Excessive preparation, the emphasis on memorization, is the only path to perfection, or the closest to perfection that actors can achieve.
Fight that misnamed “shyness” thing both with the bright light of precise language and with the joyous urge to act. He yearns to act. And then move out of your shy skin and seek out auditions and roles with a single mind that propels you beyond “shy.” He wants to act and be seen more than he wants to be shy and hidden. If ‘shyness’ is stronger than the urge to act, acknowledge it. Facing the truth about our feelings can be painful, but it often cures.
Proper terminology, desire to act, recognition of the nature of “shyness”, anger, preparedness – these are some of the weapons against invading armies that hide behind the shield of “shyness”.