Day 19 -21 (includes review time on the weekend)
Today we will dig deeper to look at how to overcome fears of failure and success. Both fears can paralyze one from taking any action, and of course, success in anything is tied to taking massive action.
To eliminate fears, we must change our mental rules. First, what needs to happen to make you feel like a success and a failure? Define specifically what it looks like for you. Then you have to create new definitions of what needs to happen to make you feel successful and unsuccessful. Developing new rules by which you can happily achieve your goals, well, that can really make your life more fulfilling.
For example, at the beginning of this lesson, my old definition of success was:
I wanted to achieve reasonable goals by accomplishing several things each day directly related to financial gain. I wanted time to spare for hobbies, games, and other areas of endeavor. Achieving that felt like a success to me. Your definition will surely be different, but the idea is to identify where you are NOW. make success achievable so that it can be easily achieved.
TO Feeling like a failure, my definition. was:
I let go of the things that I know are good for me. That includes not following through on actions that are directly related to success.
Where do our rules come from? Who designed the rules of success and failure by which we live? Are they empowering or disempowering? Can they be improved?
I didn’t think my old rules were wrong… just maybe they weren’t complete.
So here it is my new definition of success:
Live in a forward posture, learn and grow with expectation and curiosity. To boldly and confidently experience my life so that no matter what happens, I can, to the best of my ability, choose my attitude and desired outcome, without fear.
AND my new definition of failure:
Living in fear with no hope of improvement. But even then, he would learn something, so he wouldn’t really be a failure, would he?
Big difference! Changing those definitions has given me ways to be much more successful, more often, and basically eliminate failure.
Let’s see how to take a core fear and get rid of it. This is called the “erasing technique” and it really blew my mind! I don’t know if you’re like me, but I’ve had several events in my life with strong negative emotions attached to them. From time to time, they just run like a movie and the same emotions of anger, sadness and fear come back. I’ve tried various techniques to try to spread it (and it’s helped a lot), but I wanted to see if I could get even more leverage.
OK are you ready? Here is the technique. Stand tall and straight, feeling really great. Say “boom” or “great” or some other word to anchor the sentiment. Now look at the memory of some big old mistake you made. Pick a really big one! Run it forward, but at a distance as if you were in the audience watching. Now run it backwards faster and faster. Repeat it several times, but add clown outfits, costumes, funny voices, big ears, just make it silly. Run it back and forth in your mind until you really smile when you think about it. What you’ve just done is break the old pattern, like scratching a record until it can’t be played anymore.
Think about the pain associated with not being free of these old memories and gain enough leverage to take the time to do this. You can do this technique for everyone.
Tea the second part of today’s lesson had to do with rejection. Many people have allowed rejection to influence their lives. Tony talks about making similar changes when it comes to this emotion as when it comes to success and failure.
1). Decide that rejection will not control your life.
2). Get leverage by understanding the price you pay if you fear rejection. Also, what are all the benefits to not be affected by rejection.
Create a new set of rules for rejection. Learn that no matter what someone says or how you respond, it may be their problem. Mass rejection is really one of the keys to success. As you get stronger, sometimes the old friendships and associations you had can fade away. The dynamic changes you are embracing cause you to attract new friends who reflect the new values you are developing. Prepare to feel strong when you get rejected. Create useful anchors to control access to the force you want to feel.
Assignment:
Write down 2 failures and 2 rejection events.
What benefits were there from those 4 experiences?
Now, use the erase technique to change them.
Don’t forget to write down three money-making ideas, too. Grow your mental portfolio for your future.
I’d love to hear from you about the results or any questions you may have.
See you on the 22nd (two free days to review and subliminal tapes or CDs if you have them).
And of course go ahead!