What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they find it difficult to express themselves. As a result of this, it will be normal for them to behave in ways that are not aligned with their true essence.
In general, then, how they act around their friends, family, and when they’re at work will have very little to do with who they are. The way they behave will typically be a combination of what will please others and what they think will please others.
connected
You can see that if you are in touch with yourself, it is usually because you are away from others. By being in their own company, they will be in tune with themselves and this will allow them to freely express who they are.
But, as soon as they are in the company of another, this connection could soon be gone. It could be as if someone or something else is taking over, taking away their ability to be themselves.
a miserable existence
If they have been like this for as long as they can remember, they may feel that there is very little they can do. Ergo, as frustrating as it is and as powerless as they feel, they will have to tolerate what is happening.
Also, due to the nature of what is happening, they may not have felt comfortable enough to tell anyone. Then they can be a living example of “suffering in silence”.
out of sight
When they are around others, they can usually appear happy and even calm. If so, they will hide that behind the mask they present there is someone who is anything but happy.
Maintaining their composure is likely to be very difficult for them, and sooner or later they could reach the point where they can no longer behave in the same way. Ideally, of course, they should do something before reaching the point of no return.
Internal conflict
So, one is going to have the need to be in tune with others and to express their true self, but, for some reason, this is not happening. What this is likely to illustrate is that this is what feels safe.
What is happening then will make them suffer, but a part of them will not want their life to change. At this stage, one might wonder how behaving in this way could feel safe, especially since it’s not serving them.
a strange scenario
Ultimately, you are here to express who you are, not to play a role that wins the approval of others. If you didn’t feel safe eating or drinking, your life would soon come to an end.
However, since expressing their true self is not an essential part of their ability to survive, being that way won’t kill them; what it will do, as you well know, is take away the ability to live a full life. The big question is: why do they only feel safe when they are playing a role?
going deeper
Assuming they’ve been like this for as long as they can remember, it could show that what happened during their years essentially conditioned them to believe they had to hide in order to survive. Perhaps this was a time when they were seen as an extension of their caretaker(s).
Consequently, normally it would not have mattered what their needs and feelings were, since they would not have been seen as a separate being. Therefore, they had to do what their keepers wanted and, if they did not, they may have been harmed and/or neglected.
The priority
At this stage in their lives, they needed attention and recognition from their caregivers, and these needs would have been much greater than their need to express themselves. Without these things, they would have suffered even more and potentially died.
Losing themselves to gain attention and recognition from their caregiver(s) would have set them up to suffer and play out the same scenario as an adult, as this is associated with what is familiar and therefore , safe for their ego-mind, but it kept them alive and did not completely deprive them of the emotional nourishment they needed. They had two options: play a role and receive the “love” of their parents or be themselves and be treated as if they did not exist and ignored.
a brutal time
If they had been born in a state of interdependence, they would have been able to leave their caregiver(s) and go elsewhere. However, since they were totally dependent on them, they had to adapt to a dysfunctional environment.
Many, many years will have passed since this point in your life, but a large part of your life will still associate expressing yourself with being hurt and/or neglected. Taking action will stop them from truly being seen, and yet, deep down, expressing themselves will be seen as something that will make them feel invisible and like they don’t exist.
Awareness
If you can relate to this and are ready to change your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.
Lastly, the need to be seen is the reason why a child will often play, as this will be a way of receiving attention. This can get the child into trouble and even get hit, but this will be seen as much better than the alternative: being ignored.