Men are much more curious about female masturbation than women. Female masturbation is portrayed in visual media or erotic literature, but these accounts portray fantasies and assumptions rather than the reality of how a woman actually masturbates to orgasm. There are so many fictional and inaccurate stories and hardly any true accounts. Why should a woman who enjoys orgasm alone talk about her experiences? In any case, nobody knows how to differentiate between erotic reality and erotic fiction.
Popular pornography and movies show women masturbating in male-like situations. These representations are quietly accepted by the women of the population even though they are incorrect. This fictional depiction of women’s sexuality is driven primarily by male curiosity and male fantasy, but it gives us the impression that we know how women respond when no one really has the slightest idea.
Any activity that begins when a child is prepubertal cannot be a true orgasm. Some guys have spontaneous orgasms at this age, but these are unique. A woman needs sexual maturity to respond to eroticism on a much more sophisticated level than a man. A young man can become aroused by visual images of body parts or genital activity. Girls learn to masturbate later than boys because their fantasies are more complex. A woman needs to think much more deeply and explicitly about penetrative sexual activity.
Girls and women can stimulate their vulva without reaching orgasm. Perhaps they are responding to some latent instinct. Perhaps they are experimenting. They may feel like they should masturbate. They might experience some kind of genital itching. They rub it for a bit and finally stop, looking satisfied. Perhaps rubbing has eradicated the itch as much as it could anywhere else on the body. These so-called orgasms occur outside of any erotic context. Women never talk about what turns on.
Men’s main motivation for engaging in sexual activity (alone or with a partner) is their mental arousal. Men’s heads (to varying degrees) are filled with sexual thoughts. A man is likely to hold back some (less socially acceptable) thoughts to himself out of embarrassment or to avoid offending his lover (particularly a woman). By ignoring what orgasm feels like, some women assume that various vague sensations with a lover could be an orgasm.
In very rare cases, a woman has so many orgasms that she needs a trip to the hospital to stop them. This is not a response to erotic stimuli. This is a purely nervous system disorder. There are a number of nervous system phenomena that have symptoms in common with orgasm. These include anger, fear, and epilepsy. Orgasm is defined by the pleasure that a person enjoys from the psychological erotic stimuli that caused their arousal.
The female orgasm is not a problem in sexual intercourse. Neither is the male orgasm but for different reasons. Male orgasm is not a problem because it is generally a given. The female orgasm is not a problem because women accept sex for what it is. For some women, this means that they accept that orgasm does not occur with a lover. For others, they may assume that orgasm occurs, but assume it is trivial or implicit. They describe orgasm in terms of emotional factors. Either way, there is little difference in women’s attitude towards sex.
Some women believe that they have an orgasm due to intercourse. Most likely, they will feel mildly pleasant sensations. These physical or emotional sensations that women feel are all quite normal and do not hurt. They are not orgasms because they do not involve a mental response to erotic stimuli.
Intercourse depends on whether the man has an erection. Women can only have sex in response to male initiative. So saying that the female orgasm occurs during intercourse allows any woman who has had sex to believe that she may have had an orgasm and therefore be considered sexually normal. However, sexual intercourse is initiated and driven by the male sex drive.
Sex provides men with both the physical gratification and the satisfaction of expressing their masculinity. Women do not get physical gratification from sex. Women have sex for fun, for ego, or to get a non-sexual reward like a free meal. Most women have sex with someone they care about.
Anyone who has ever had an orgasm knows that raw sexual thoughts and genital urges are involved. We have a natural tendency to be ashamed to admit these thoughts and impulses. So we can be sure that women who brag about having an orgasm have never had one. They are not ashamed because they do not understand that sexual arousal (and the resulting orgasm) must come from thinking of something rude. Women assume that orgasm arises purely from emotional sensations and physical stimulation.
Women’s erotica is often associated with themes of humiliation, domination, and sadism. As with fear or horror, these themes can cause nervous arousal that women may mistake for arousal, but they do not cause orgasm. Orgasm is a mental response to explicitly sexual scenarios.
How do women learn what an orgasm is? Your parents are not talking about that. Where would you learn? I do not know. Perhaps they are reporting orgasms just when they have a pleasant sensation. (Nicole Prause 2014)