One of the most common problems in sexual relations is that men fall asleep immediately after sex. If your man does this, maybe you can take solace in the fact that you’re not alone. In fact, most men go to sleep right after, so if you have this problem you are the majority and if you don’t, you are the lucky minority.
Fortunately, there are some easy steps you can take to fix this problem. If you’ve already dropped some subtle (or not-so-subtle) clues and haven’t gotten a response, don’t despair. Experience (and field research) has shown that men rarely respond to this, certainly not in the long term. However, there are other methods that have proven to be more effective.
The first step to fixing this problem is to understand it. The main causes are discussed in some detail in the article Why do men go to sleep after sex? However, briefly there is:
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Fatigue and/or relaxation. Sex happens more often at the end of the day, when men are tired. It also typically occurs in the bedroom, the natural place to sleep. Also, sex is often relaxing, mostly due to the release of sexual tension.
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Atmosphere. Habit and environment are strong influences. For most people, it is natural to sleep in bed and sleep at night. Consequently, after having sex in bed at the end of the day, it’s only natural for most men to just go to sleep.
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hormonal. A variety of brain chemicals and hormones are released during sexual intercourse; some of which are related to relaxation and sleep.
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Indifference. This is the explanation most often given by women when asked why men fall asleep after sex. They propose that the needs of the man (sexual liberation) have been satisfied and then they are no longer interested in the needs of the woman.
Of course, there are some men who will naturally cuddle after sex and others who will do so in response to their partner’s emotional needs. However, if you’re into the majority of women whose men don’t do this, you have three options:
- Accept that your emotional needs for cuddles after sex will not be met. Obviously, this is not a satisfactory situation.
- Ask (or insist) to hug him. This can work, but as explained in the article cited above, it usually doesn’t.
- Eliminate the factors that make you fall asleep after sex. This is generally the most successful approach and is the one discussed in this article.
The first thing to do is try to have sex when you are not tired. For example, instead of having sex at night, wake him up on a Saturday or Sunday morning (but not when he’s hungover or has to run somewhere) in a provocative way. Be extra sexy and go the extra mile to please him. If sex in the morning is a special treat, you will want to repeat it. In addition, you may also find that on a weekend morning you can have calmer sex (although this is more difficult if you have small children who need attention) and you are not tired from work, which can also make it especially pleasurable. If you’ve just gotten a good night’s rest, you’re less likely to fall asleep afterwards. If mornings are not possible, perhaps a weekend afternoon.
Relaxation also plays an important role. Consider the things that will keep you from slipping into a relaxed stupor afterwards. Wear sexy underwear you haven’t worn before, make love in a different way, tell him you have a surprise for him later in the evening. Anything that adds a little emotional edge, excitement, anticipation, surprise.
The environment is very important. Sex in bed is comfortable, but it is also very conducive to sleeping afterwards. Try a different location; For example, throw a thick blanket on the floor in the living room. Candles and/or a burning fireplace can add ambiance. Have background music; preferably something not too calming. Think about the things that help you sleep (for example, a quiet, dark, soft bed, late nights, alcohol, late-night TV watching) and change them.
The third item, hormonal, is more difficult (if not impossible). As discussed above and in the revered article, sleep hormones are released during the point of climax, with more intense climaxes releasing greater amounts of the hormone. Just remember that hormones don’t force a man to go to sleep, they just make him more predisposed. Get the other things right and you can expect your man to be wide awake afterwards.
Most men find sleep after sex (especially with the associated release of sleep hormones) completely natural and find it very difficult to understand or respond to their partner’s emotional needs to snuggle and bond after sex. They can try to ask and explain, but experience shows that this is rarely effective. Similarly, anger, threats, or withholding sex are not particularly effective (nor do they get the kind of response one wants). Experience shows that in this case, as in so many other situations, positive reinforcement is the most effective approach. You start by getting him to hug you a bit, even if it’s just for a few seconds and most of the time you do it, and then you tell him you like him. Telling a man that he did something right in bed (he hugged you) and pleased you by doing it will almost always be much more effective than criticizing him (for not hugging him, for example). Once you get him to cuddle decently, you can try a more extreme booster. For example, the next day tell him how much you enjoyed cuddling after sex; if you’re embarrassed, don’t worry, as this means you’ll probably remember it better.
If you mention one day that you were talking to your girlfriends who were complaining about their men falling asleep after sex and you told them that you’re blessed with a great lover who doesn’t do this, that should really stick on their mind. . After all, embarrassing as it may be, what man doesn’t want to be known as a great lover? He certainly doesn’t want you to come back to them a few weeks later and tell them that he falls asleep like everyone else.
Of course, not all of these techniques are right for every couple. You need to decide for yourself what is appropriate and effective for your relationship.